The Pacific Shrimp Taco: Not for me
Look, I love Taco Bell. You all know that. Absolutely love it.
But I’m not one for blind faith in anything, and even I can’t go so far as to say Taco Bell can do no wrong. Case in point: The new Pacific Shrimp Taco.
Seriously, Taco Bell? No disrespect, but shrimp? Seriously?
Maybe this appeals to someone. Clearly it has to do with the new Drive-Thru Diet and Taco Bell’s vaguely misguided efforts to prop-up its healthier Fresco Menu, which I do not support.
I don’t know much about marketing or branding and whatever, but I know plenty about what it means to lose the crowd, and I know that Taco Bell is the company of Club Chalupa and Fourthmeal, and I recognize that too much effort put into hawking supposedly (and probably, in truth, not very) healthy items like the Pacific Shrimp Taco could eventually turn away folks like me who go there for their Fourthmeals.
Wait a minute: I don’t mean that. I could never mean that. I’m sorry I even suggested that, Taco Bell. I’ll never leave you.
But seriously, stop wasting your time creating healthy products. I think I speak for your base — Club Chalupa — when I say we’re just not that interested. If I were more concerned with my health, I wouldn’t be purchasing six pounds of food for less than five dollars. If I was trying to lose weight, I wouldn’t be eating my Fourthmeal of the day here at Taco Bell.
The shrimp doesn’t appeal to me at all, probably because the three summers I spent working in that wholesale/retail lobster farm turned me off to shellfish entirely. But even recognizing that some people like shrimp, and that some people might even be willing to try the shrimp served at Taco Bell, couldn’t you stuff it in a Chalupa and cover it in Lava Sauce like you know you can? C’mon, Taco Bell. You’re better than this.
The only thing remotely promising about the Pacific Shrimp Taco is the use of the Avocado Ranch Sauce, previously seen only on the Grilled Steak Soft Taco and the Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco (UPDATE: And the Grilled Chicken Burrito. H/T Catsmeat). I generally order only ground-beef products at Taco Bell, but I enjoy the Avocado Ranch Sauce enough to occasionally pick up a Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco.
I’m hoping the presence of the Avocado Ranch Sauce on a featured menu item like the Pacific Shrimp Taco signifies a more prominent role for that condiment. Catsmeat reports that it is underwhelming when paired with ground beef, but I’m certainly willing to give it a try, and I’m not confident in the employees at my local Taco Bell to successfully substitute it for another sauce on a regular ground-beef item.
But to assume Taco Bell’s genius chefs will pair the Avocado Ranch Sauce with ground beef in short time would be to assume that experiments like the Pacific Shrimp Taco are only brief and ill-advised detours off the normal, noble path of crunchy, nacho-cheesy deliciousness. And for now, we can only hope that’s the case.
I have faith in you, Taco Bell. So much faith. Spicy, tangy faith. Don’t let me down.
